Don't Stare at Me Bro!

Imagine walking outside and the whole world stops to look at you. To analyze you. To stare at you. They point. They subtly try and nudge their friend so that their friend can also get a look at you. Ever happen to you? That is pretty much everyday for me here in Manila. I am here supposedly to play in the Shakey's V League. To play volleyball. To have fun and experience different cultures. Well that is my whole spiel on why I do this. But this time its different. Some days I don't even want to leave my room, simply because I am sick and tired of people staring at me. Its cool to have fans and I appreciate all them. I really do. They come up and speak to me and say hi and are very friendly. I really love that. What ruins it for me are those that are just rude about it. The ones that sit up and watch you eat like you're a caged animal at the zoo. The ones that will literally run into objects just because they cant stop staring. Yeah, thats funny and I laugh, but a lot of the time I just want to walk out the house and have people just ignore me.

It wasn't so long ago that I was visiting my friend in LA and I was totally obsessed about being "discovered." We went to Hollywood and I pranced around there like I was somebody. I loved every minute of it. People either thought I was a Williams sister or that I hooped for the Los Angeles Sparks. Either way they thought I was somebody and that made me feel like I was somebody. I wanted people to think I was famous. I wanted the paparazzi to snap shots of me. lol Funny as it may sound, its true. Fast forward 3 years, Im here and now I feel like the new kid at school trying to find a seat in the cafeteria. The whole world stops. So it made we think... Why do we idealize or scrutinize people that are different from us.


Do I realize I am a 6'2 black woman in the Philippines where the average height of a female is probably the same height I was at age 10? Yes. Would there be such a visual commotion if I was a short black woman? Hmm? Or how about if I were a white woman? Maybe. I want to say the color of my skin is not an issue here and that they are just enamored with my "amazonistic" features. But when you have people that make racial comments about you, calling you the Dark Side or black forest, it gets kind of hard to put away that argument. But I'm not just going to say that has happened here. We live in a world where being black does not put you on top of the most popular list. But that is a whole other blog. I'm just wondering when did the world become this place where you have to look a certain way to be considered normal. When did we as God's children get in such a hurry to be and look like this imaginary perfect being of what normal looks like or what beautiful looks like. Hell, what wealthy looks like. Since when was it wrong to be born the wrong color, or the wrong height or the wrong sex. When did this happen? Or maybe we never changed and its been this way from the jump.

Since when is it wrong to be Lauren Ford, adark-skinned black, volleyball player that also loves basketball. That is a die hard Colts fan, that loves the Yankees, that loves kickin it with the fellas, but also loves painting her fingernails the girlie-st shade of pink. Who loves wearing eye-liner and mascara in her volleyball games, but who loves to lounge around in XXL sweats. Who loves high top converse and 4 inch heels. Who loves hip hop and R&B, but also listens to Panic at the disco and Fall Out Boy. Yeap call me Emo. I like playing with the boys, that doesn't mean I don't want to be handled like a girl. My hair its kinky. No the soles of my feet and hands are not brown. When I stay in the sun, I get black. YES, why is that a bad thing. Didn't you just go to the tanning bed yourself? And I'm tall. Just like God gave you short legs, he gifted me with long ones. Maybe I should walk around pointing at people and making fun of how short they are. You know why I don't? Cuz the world would simply suck if everyone looked the same. And you know something else.... That same person that we idolize and picture as being the most beautiful has something about themselves that they don't like as well. So telling me or staring at me as if I don't fit in is just as absurd as saying I don't belong on this planet Earth.

I guess I just wish people would stop defining what beautiful or normal is with a checklist. I'm 6'2 and black. Cant change that anymore than you can change the fact your pigeon-toed and are the size of a 4th grader. But maybe you can stop staring at me and just say hi. I always wave back! :)